The Tough Times

Huckleberry, one of Drake's most beautiful bulldogs!

I traveled to Drake Relays last week to hang out with the awesome ASICS people, cheer Russ and all the other competitors on, and see my Mom and Grandpa.  It turned out to be such a fun week, but it didn't start out great, and I wanted to talk about that a bit!

Throughout this recovery process, I'm proud to report that I've been really strong!  Yes, there have been times when I've had to choose my positive attitude, but it has been way easier than I expected to stay that way.  I generally am just excited to do new things and get stronger physically every day, and that has been really fun to experience.  Once I can do something again (box jumps, blocking drills, etc.), I just consider that new exercise to be part of my repertoire and move forward.  It's awesome. 

Thankfully, I've only gotten really upset about four times in the past seven months, but when I get discouraged, it hits me kind of hard.  I'd like to say it comes out of nowhere, but emotions are completely normal!  There have also been warning signs, but it's not like I could have avoided releasing those emotions.  I think everyone who has gone through major injury can understand that emotions sneak up on you in your quest to stay positive through a recovery that is bound to have its ups and downs.  Traveling to Drake kind of did that for me.

Upon arrival last week in Des Moines, I told Russ,

"I hope I don't freak out since I'm not competing and everyone else is." 

I wouldn't call what I did "freaking out," but I broke down at a bit of an inopportune moment.  I obviously knew I was feeling kind of weird about entering the early months of Track and Field season not knowing what it will bring, or I wouldn't have mentioned anything to Russ.  Good thing I have a fabulous support system to help me through, and I spent the rest of the week with some of the most positive people that I know.  I also got to spend all day Sunday with my Grandpa! 

Stacey and me :)

Whenever these emotional moments have happened, some good thing follows that shows me just how well things are going to turn out.  Whether that good thing has been increased knee flexion in the early days, making new friends in Colorado, or actually having a blast being a spectator at a meet, it always gets me re-energized for the future. 

What do you do to get yourself back on track?  Don't let a few moments of being emotional (for good reason) derail you; talk it through, choose a happy thought, and move forward!  I'm excited.

Questions, Answered

Photo by Russ: My first week of ball throws in Chula Vista!

 

The two questions I had on my page recently were from Sebastian Alexander Miller and Sean Elkinton. 

Sebastian asked what my plans were for this year and whether or not I would be competing in Rio (the 2016 Olympic Games are in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil).  I've said many times this year that choosing to have surgery when I did was in line with a four-year plan, not a one-year plan.  A resounding YES on shooting for Rio! 

With ACL tears, if you don't have a lot of swelling, you can get surgery immediately, but if you are outside about a 48-hour window from the time of injury, you should wait longer than 6-8 weeks.  Since I decided to go to London despite my injury, I was definitely outside of that two-day time period.  Then, I needed to move my stuff to Colorado, and wanted to get some "mental health" time in before surgery, so Russ and I hiked and camped for a few weeks before I returned to San Diego to get reconstructed.

Man, am I glad I did that. 

See my photo album from the trip here.  As challenging as this recovery has been (I'm generally really patient, but injury is weird), I would have gone stir-crazy if I hadn't gotten to explore a bit before going under the knife!

All those things being said, I'd love to be able to compete this year.  I've told a lot of people that USAs (at Drake Stadium on June 20th) is going to be a game-time decision for me, and while that's still the case, I feel better about my chances at competing with each kneehab session I complete.  I did my first real movement into a block yesterday (a medball javelin drill), and while I'm a little sore today, my positions felt great and my knee felt solid.  June 20th is just shy of 9 months post-op, so it's going to be amazing if it works out, but hey, people are capable of amazing things.  I'm capable of amazing things.  I've always been optimistic, and I'm gonna stay that way!

Sean's question was about Olympic Training Centers; he wants to know the difference between Chula Vista and Colorado Springs.  You'd be surprised (or maybe you wouldn't) by how common a question that is!  The biggest difference between the two is simply that the vast majority of the facilities in Chula Vista are outside, while everything is inside in Colorado Springs.  I worry a bit for my Vitamin D intake because of that, but my skin is much, much happier!  Colorado Springs is also the main Olympic Training Center and the USOC headquarters are downtown, so a lot more goes on here as far as events and opportunities, and a lot more camps and tournaments take place than they did in Chula Vista.  It can get a little crowded, but mostly it's fun to just observe all the different cultures of sport that come through.  Lastly, although I'm living in the "bad dorms" (aka "barracks"), I like the living situation better than in Chula Vista; I've always wanted to try living in a tiny studio apartment by myself, and so far it's great and really efficient (minus the bathroom down the hallway).  I still miss all my people in San Diego (some days like crazy), but it gets better here all the time.  Everyone you meet has something great to offer if you just pay attention and are open-minded.  Go try that today. :)

Six months.

On Tuesday it will have been exactly six months since my surgery. 

I'm so excited to be where I am right now!  Kneehab is going so, so well, I've finally started doing real throwing exercises again, and I feel really strong.  The only problem is that I still have discomfort and pain, but the funny thing is,

that's normal!!!

My visit to San Diego two weeks ago was fabulous; another visit with Dr. Chao went great, Chris pushed me hard like always, and I got to see all my friends and meet Kassidie.  But after running outside for the first time, doing step-ups, normal-speed squats and box jumps, and challenging my knee in a lot of other new ways, it was sore, and my right one was worse!  Coming back to Colorado Springs and feeling discouraged because of that discomfort was no fun.  In talking with Wendy and taking a good, hard look at how I can choose my own attitude though, I've realized a few things since I've been back, and neat things have happened as a result.

1. It's completely okay to get discouraged.  It's how I respond to that feeling that matters.  Recognizing negativity and actively dismissing it to choose positivity instead is really powerful, even if the positive feelings are completely unrelated to track and field.
2. I was still feeling down about not knowing a lot of people in Colorado, but as soon as I decided to be friendly and outgoing this week (like the normal me, OMG!), I got invited to a birthday party! High five, universe.
3. Rest is amazing.  I've been pushing myself really hard non-stop because I'd love to be able to throw this season, but running myself into the ground is not going to accomplish that.  Listening to and agreeing with your body when it tells you it needs a rest (even if it doesn't fit in with your plans) can be extremely beneficial. 

The six to nine month post-op window with ACL reconstructions is apparently when the most re-tears happen, so I would appreciate all the positive and strong thoughts everyone can send my way!  You better believe that I'm really careful all the time, but any prayers and uplifting energy that you have to spare couldn't hurt.  I'm forging ahead with the kneehab plan with extra focus on stability. 

Not only did I try some new things in San Diego, but Chris did a bunch of performance measurements to compare my surgery leg with my non-surgery leg.  The good news is that literally every measurement he took and test I performed showed that my left leg is at least 90% as good as my right, and in some of them, my left is better now.  The bad news is that my self-reported percentage (which I gave strictly thinking about how ready I am to throw a javelin full-speed) is down at 72%, and that one is the most important.  The good news about the bad news is that confidence in my abilities is completely up to me. :) Here we go. :)

Week 19...whoa

This is the 19th week since my surgery. 

Honestly, I forgot to count for the last few and have had to check on my phone.  That makes me really happy!  I went back to Chula Vista for a few clinics and a check-up with my surgeon, had a blast, and am so happy to be moving forward at what feels like breakneck pace.

I think I'm living in a time warp.  I can't believe my surgery was so long ago.  It feels like it was yesterday, but I also remember each stage of my recovery vividly and can reflect on how far I've come every day.  I don't want to lose sight of how much I'm learning from the recovery process, but I love that I'm still able to do what I've always done after injury; simply look forward when milestones are reached, and believe in my rediscovered abilities. 

Here are some of my favorite rehab exercises:

Resisted speed skaters: Chris/Amber/Heather pull on a bungee around my waist at all different and changing angles while I speed skate diagonally forward.
Bosu ball speed skaters/lunges/hops/soccer drills: All variations of jumping onto, lunging onto, jumping over, or jumping around the bosu ball.
Slide board: Put booties on and slide back and forth on a plastic board.  I have to wear my brace for this one, but that's okay.  It's dynamic lateral movement, so that's expected.
Monster walks: Place a bungee around my legs just above the knees and walk forward, backward and side to side.  I feel like I'm doing defensive basketball drills, because I get to move dynamically on the sideways ones!
Split squats: One foot on the ground on a foam pad, the other behind me on top of a high box, and sit back into the hip and squat/lunge.  Awesome.
Any kind of RDL (Romanian Dead Lift)!

I do much, much more than the exercises above, and I'm totally loving all of it right now, but I don't want to bore anyone.  Please ask specific questions if you have them!

My upper body lifting has been awesome, I had leg lifts for the first time in my last block (eccentric squats, split squats and eccentric RDLs), and I get to start Olympic lifts in the block that starts tomorrow!  I'm so excited to be moving toward normal again, but am loving paying attention to moving my body correctly.  I can't tell you how cool it is to know that I'm whole again.  Happy Training!

Validation

I've been in Colorado Springs now for a little bit over a month!  I was getting used to my new surroundings, taking online assessments for grad school, my computer died, and then I traveled home and to see friends for the holidays.  Busy times, but all along, kneehab has gone really well.

I wanted to outline a bit of what my normal schedule is.  Sometimes injury is kind of a mystery to people who haven’t gone through it, or people simply watch for results and don’t realize what goes on in the off-season or in times of trial.  Here’s a week in my life right now:

Monday/Wednesday/Friday:

Warm-up.  Elliptical or bike for 20 minutes.  The elliptical is great for me because I can practice getting full extension in my knee with some resistance.  I don’t push the resistance too high…yet.

Medball throws.  Currently, I’m seated on the floor with my back against a swiss ball, throwing a 6-pound medball forward overhead (getting lots of stretch behind me).  I’m up to 655 of these throws total this week.

Lift.  A variation each day of straight arm pullovers, bench (incline and flat), and rows, plus an ab/shoulder/hamstring circuit.  I’ll get to start lower body lifting in two weeks!

Rehab.  Soft tissue with Amber, then about an hour, sometimes more, of rehab exercises.  I’ve progressed to some jumping and single-leg stuff.

Alter-G.  I’m up to 96% of my body weight; SO close to running on my own!  Can’t wait!  I alternate walking for one minute and jogging for four minutes for 20 minutes total, increasing the percentage every 5 minutes.

NormaTec.  Recovery for 30 minutes.

Game Ready.  More recovery for 20 minutes.

Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday:

Warm-up.  Treadmill walk at a 10% incline for 20 minutes.  I do my best to stay at 4 mph the whole time!

Medball throws (just on Tuesday/Thursday).  Seated on the floor with my legs straight out in front of me, I throw sideways against a wall.  160 each side this week.

Rehab.  Soft tissue and then an hour/hour and a half of another set of exercises.

Swimming.  Aqua jogging, crossovers in the pool, gentle kicking, and alternating freestyle with backstroke pulling.  I love the CSOTCpool! 

NormaTec.  30 minutes.

Game Ready.  20 minutes.

Sunday:

REST.

I’m so happy with the progress I’ve seen so far, and (I think I’ve said this before) it’s so fun to know that I’m actually working toward being completely healthy.  When I was rehabbing in preparation for London, the harsh reality was that no matter how hard I worked, I couldn’t grow my ACL back for the Olympics.

Any athlete experiences doubts from time to time, and I’ve questioned whether making the trip to London was worth it or not.  I didn’t second-guess the decision at the time, because that would’ve meant a lapse in confidence and a miserable turnout, but a few months later I reflected on whether I’d gone down the right path.  Here are a few reasons why I wouldn’t change a thing.

1. I now know how tough I can be.  I’ve always had major confidence in my ability to put everything into a throw or a workout, but competing under adversity is a different story.  I’ve shown myself glimpses of this in the past (slight 2010 back pain), but this was another level for me.  If something isn’t quite on my side in the future, I know I’ll be ready with tenacity.

2. Keeping my diagnosis to myself gave me strength.  Depending only on myself and a few people close to me in preparation for London taught me the power of a strong support system, not to mention strength of will.  Only I could decide to move forward positively.

3. Throwing injured gives me perspective.  This sounds silly, but I recently realized that the next time I throw a javelin, I’ll have an ACL!  My reality for a month was throwing without one, and throwing without one at high intensity was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done.  I’m confident that no matter how nervous I am trying to throw again, it’ll be better than the last time I did it, and I’m so excited about that.  Also, I’m very happy that my most recent memory of throwing isn’t my last attempt at the Trials.  Tearing my ACL as my freshest throwing memory seems to me like it’d set me up for failure.  I moved forward even before I could fully move forward.

4. Good preparation for surgery.  They say that the rehab you do before surgery makes rehab after surgery a lot easier.  I haven’t had any operations before now, so I can’t speak to that, but my people tell me I’m doing great!  The time I spent working with Chris before London and afterward on my own got me as ready as I possibly could have been to hit the ground running after going under the knife.

5. I became a two-time Olympian.  The London Olympics were fabulous.  Being able to converse with local people on trains and in the city about how exciting the whole thing was was so much fun, and so different from Beijing.  The entire experience was awesome, and I did better than I did the first time around.  Plus, I got to watch a fellow Boilermakerwin gold!!

6. Motivation for the future.  I was in awesome shape at the Trials.  I was definitely running out of chances to release a big throw when I got injured, but I believe that Ty had me in excellent condition for the summer’s most important meets.  The fact that I still managed to be semi-competitive with my injury gets me so excited for the future, because if I can beat some people at the Olympics significantly injured, what can I do healthy?  Wait and see.

Has something happened in your life that you could’ve done differently?  How did the decision you made make a positive impact on what’s happening now?  Keep looking for the good.

 

Here's what was good at home for Christmas! :)

 

My parents as reindeer!

Craig (in the star) and I (the little circle) on the tree.

Beau and Brandy being good dogs in their Santa hats!

 

Thankful for Change (Week 8!)

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

When I hurt my knee in July, I started working with a lady I called my “emergency sports psychologist,” Wendy Borlabi.  She’s fabulous, and is now just my normal sports psychologist (since it’s not an emergency anymore).  Before I had surgery, she gave me a book to read called Who Moved My Cheese.  It talks about how to best deal with change, and is very straightforward (like how dealing with change should be).  Not only is Wendy awesome, but her book recommendations are, too, and while I like to think that I knew what to do before I read the cheese book, it helped me calm down even more about all of the changes in my life recently!

I’m moving to Colorado in one week.  I had major knee surgery 8 weeks ago (I ran on Tuesday (at decreased body weight) for the first time since then!).  I will be living in a dorm room again instead of an apartment or house.  I’ll be working with a new athletic trainer.  I won’t see Dr. Rintala twice a week anymore, so I’ll have to work extra hard on my own at DNS stuff.  I’ll have to make new friends.  I will now be working with both of my coaches in a satellite situation (Ty in New Orleans and Jamie in Chula Vista).  I’m starting grad school in January (YAY!).

That seems like a lot of new stuff to me!  But, instead of resisting the change and just wishing that things could stay the same, I’m embracing new opportunities and keeping a grateful attitude for the chance to experience more of the world.  Whenever things change in my life, I do my best to try and keep the good things from the past in some capacity (realize that I can come back to Chula Vista and visit, know how often I can call or text Britney to chat, look forward to facetiming with the Waltz clan, get so excited to meet Lil’ Miss Whoozit for the first time), but let go of the things that aren’t working and move forward.

It’s okay to feel like I’m a bit lost in a maze when it comes to adapting to change, but sooner or later I’ll find my way, and I might just be rewarded with positive experiences.  I’m excited about moving to Colorado because I’ll get to wear big comfy warm coats and boots, hot coffee will actually taste good instead of making me sweat, the aquatic center and sports med at the Colorado Springs Training Center will be amazing, I already know I work well with Eric Lawson in the weight room, I’ve found a photography club I can maybe join, and grad school at DeVry University (thanks, USOC, for the scholarship!!!!!) will afford me the opportunity to make new friends.  Also, living in the same city as Russ’s family is exciting; even if they’re not my family, they feel that way.  And since Russ’s family is in the Springs, my family gets me for all the holidays. :)

Has something changed in your life recently?  What can you do to make a seemingly negative change, positive?  If things always stayed the same, we wouldn’t have a chance to adapt and improve.  Use change to propel yourself to be better.  That’s my plan!


On this Thanksgiving day, I'm also so very grateful for the chance to be with my family (in Washington with Mom, Dad, Grandpa, Brother, Brother's Girlfriend, and Russ), for my parents' amazingly good and soft dogs, and the fact that I'm already 8 weeks out of surgery and doing great!

Week 5.5

Rehab has gotten so much more fun since my last blog!

I thought that walking over hurdles, doing glute bridges, and not being in horrible pain during passive flexion was fun, but I've come so far in three weeks!  I got to start swimming at four weeks.  I'm not on crutches at all anymore (I need to get that one out of my car so I don't have to see it every day).  I get to walk backwards on the treadmill now (try that; it's really weird).

Week six post-op starts on Wednesday, and apparently that means even more new exercises, so I'm really excited.  For the first few weeks after surgery, I was thinking I wouldn't lose too much mass from my left leg, but I was wrong.  I now have "Little Leg," "Big Leg," "Little Butt," and, "Big Butt."  I've never experienced muscle atrophy like this before, as I only had a splint when I broke my arm in 2004, not a cast!  It's really, really strange.  Maggie and I dubbed my left leg, "Model Leg," because celebrities usually have knobby knees, and only since seeing my quad diminish like crazy have I realized that their knees always look knobby because they have minimal muscle above them.  Now, I can relate!  (Just ignore the fact that my leg is still 15 pounds heavier than any actual model leg.)  I know it could be much, much worse, and I've been told often that I will spring right back once I get to do more resistance stuff.  Yay!

My Mom came to visit for a weekend two weeks ago, and Russ just left yesterday after a 10-day stay, so I've had lots of company and lots to do!  I wanted to share my typical daily schedule, just so you get an idea of what I'm up to.  Between rehab, swimming, seated training, and recovery stuff, the weeks are flying by!

Monday/Wednesday/Friday:

-Hand bike for 20 minutes.
-Throw medballs; seated on the ground with my back against a swiss ball.
-Upper body lift (bench press, pullovers, back pulls) with a core circuit.
-Bike for 10 minutes.
-Rehab: soft tissue work and stretching followed by an hour-hour and a half of various strength exercises.
-Recovery: NormaTec, followed by Game Ready/stim.

Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday:

-Swim: step-ups, four-way hips, bicycles, walking, deep water jogging, actual swimming (without kicking).
-AlterG for 20-30 minutes at 50% body weight.
-Bike for 10 minutes.
-Rehab: soft tissue and a few exercises (these are my rest days).
-Recover: NormaTec, followed by Game Ready/stim.

Gotta go get on the hand bike!  That thing is way more difficult that you would think.